Why You Need to Make Your Transition from Maiden to Mother
In ancient times, we had rituals that marked the transition from girl to woman. What comes to mind is the Red Tent, and its purpose to celebrate the first steps forward into womanhood and empower young girls to learn about themselves.
It was here they would learn about their fertility cycles & every facet of being a woman, not in the traditional, medical sense, but in the spiritual understanding of their cyclic nature as a woman & how to caretake themselves on a cyclic basis.
The ancient custom of initiating young women when they begin their fertility cycle into the monthly gathering of older women supports them through the natural process of individuation from their Mums.
Without this transition and support from a larger circle, teenage girls usually rebel against their mothers during this tumultuous time in order to assert their own feminine identity. I know I did, and I know I’m not alone in this.
Initiating teenage girls into a circle of trusted older women provides them with a network they can turn to when they need guidance, rather than being blindly led by their peers or seeking guidance from media and other forms of corporate agendas, that usually prey on young women not feeling good about themselves.
In modern society, do we have any rituals or guidance from our own mothers to make the transition from girl to woman? One might argue that we now use marriage and birth as these portals or initiations, but we don’t seem to do it with any intention of making the emotional jump in maturity.
We used to have a ritual of letting go of maiden, girl’s wounds, and moving to the mother. Mother can also be referred to as the mature feminine. It does not require a child or pregnancy to transition into this state.
It's clear a different set of skills and level of awareness is necessary to embody when you step into this phase of life. This allows for new freedoms and managing them responsibly. Maybe you notice your young self, and its state of mind, is no longer serving you as you grow older.
The Maiden Archetype
The Maiden stage represents the young girl, before child-bearing years, usually depicted as a teenager. Technically the Maiden is also a girl in her infancy and childhood, as well as through adolescence.
She is the immature feminine. She represents our youth, our new beginnings, our birth. As far as young girl deities that may be considered “Maiden”, there are a few, including Persephone and Artemis.
Their greatest challenges involve making this transition from immature feminine to mature feminine, since a significant part of their makeup includes traits that have propelled them forward, while also keeping them stuck at a immature victim state of mind.
Persephone is the queen of the underworld, and she was tragically dragged down to the underworld by Hades, God of the Underworld, early in her youth.
She has the tendency to stay frozen in this state of youth from when she was kidnapped, her pain repressed and hidden, too great a pain to face.
The Goddess Artemis is a lonely huntress and she bases her identity on her athleticism, her physical abilities. She can find it challenging to transition into her womanhood, and hold on to her athletic, masculine identity that has served her so much in her independence and individuation growing up. This stops her from forming romantic bonds and her ability to receive.
These goddesses represent archetypes in modern women, so you can most likely resonate with these types of challenges in identity as a woman. I invite you to take my quiz to find out which goddess type you are currently embodying, and which one you need to tap into for wholeness.
The Mother Archetype
Let’s dive into the Mother Archetype. The Mother Goddess archetype is the Divine Feminine usually full with child, perhaps with other children surrounding her. She is the earth, full with bounty and ready to be harvested.
The Mother Goddess is the fruition of your essence, ideas, healing, opportunities, family life, etc. She’s not just the physical aspect of a mother, but the emotional and spiritual too. Mother goddesses include: Gaia, Demeter, Isis, and Mary. Demeter’s purpose is in pouring her self into her children, from a place of selflessness, not ego.
She is incredibly attuned to their needs, usually from a physical standpoint, feeding them, bathing them, rocking them. Her challenge however is in finding her place in the world, other than as mother. Demeter can easily feel intimidated, and like she doesn’t have a voice in society, since the role of motherhood is not typically one revered in our society.
However this role is an archetypal mother — it goes much deeper than just the role of a woman with child. If this were true, every woman that had a child would be in their mature feminine, which is not usually the case.
Society’s Impact
We have an issue in our society that reveres eternal youth, especially for women. When women are desperate to stay young on the outside, as is usually rewarded in our current society, they can actually remain stuck as the young girl archetype on the inside too.
With no relationship to your inner mother, you can remain a little girl trapped in an adult woman’s body.
I think you’d be surprised to know that they are many girls walking around in women’s bodies! The same applies to men too, by the way.
It’s not our fault: we live in a society that perpetuates this endless youth and doesn’t equip us with the awareness, guidance, and skills to step into our mature feminine.
But even though it is not our fault, it is our responsibility, to do the hard thing, and initiate ourselves.
When you connect with this mother within yourself, you can self actualize and expand into your full power as a woman. This gives you the sense of safety to speak your truth.
You no longer fear power, you embrace it.
Maybe there’s a reason that our society doesn’t want us women to fully embrace our age and our wisdom, because it is directly connected to our power, the time when it is most ripe for us to step into.
What stands in the way of making this transition into the mother, the mature feminine?
There are two main challenges:
Patriarchy causes this pain, this false idea that we women are secondary to our male counterparts
Issues with your own relationship to mother. She did not give us the skills to individuate in our feminine identity
Living in the mature mother, allows you to be fully present, sensually alive, and connected to your power.
In maiden, life happens to us.
In mother, life happens through us.
Maiden reacts, mother responds.
Take a look at the wounded feminine mindset vs. the mature feminine on the right. Do you recognize yourself in this?
The wounded feminine is not present, always busy…
While the mature feminine, the mother, is present living for the moment.
The wounded feminine is full of self victimization and self pity…while the mature feminine is responsible for her life.
The wounded feminine needs to seek approval from others…while the mature feminine embodies inner wholeness and love.
The wounded feminine needs to please others…while the mature feminine embodies self love and acceptance.
The wounded feminine lives in a state of terror & panic…while the mature feminine embodies safety and security.
The wounded feminine is inauthentic…while the mature feminine is unapologetically herself.
The wounded feminine bites off more than she can chew…while the mature feminine takes what she can handle and what she wants.
The wounded feminine lives in a state of fear…while the mature feminine lives in a state of trust.
The wounded feminine is jealous of and competitive with other women…while the mature feminine is supportive of other women.
The wounded feminine seeks answers outside of herself… while the mature feminine is self sourced.
The wounded feminine thinks others can’t help her… while the mature feminine knows she is worthy of receiving help.
What happens when you don’t make this transition:
You live from a victim standpoint where life is happening to you and you don’t embody the power within you, needed to create change and influence.
How to Start Embodying Your Mature Feminine
Expressing your desires, as well as your dissatisfaction with others
Getting creative with challenges
Inviting others to support you
Learning about your fertility cycles & developing your intuitive skills
Taking accountability for your emotions and learning emotional management tools
Not letting others do your emotional management for you (codependency)
Once you recognize that your inner mother wants what’s best for you, and is able to nurture you through life’s storms, embrace your trust in yourself, you will be able to reclaim your power and embody emotional maturity.
Source: The wounded feminine is…From Maiden to Mother by Sara Durham Wilson
With love,
Emily Grace
This is the work I do with clients in my 1:1 program, which you can learn more about here.
Want to dive deeper into learning about the embodied arts? Download a free curriculum - I am a proud affiliate for The School of Embodied Arts.
